DEALING WITH THE ANGER OF ANOTHER 

Recently, I received an email that was personally confronting and attacking which left a painful impression on my psyche. The more I dwelt on the matter, the more I began to realize I was slipping into anger toward the person. The pit I fell into has been vividly described: 

Whenever I am angry, I am also terribly unhappy. Anger is an extremely painful state – perhaps the most painful of all human emotions. It can cause us to treat those we love with contempt. It can cause us to drive away those who love us. It can force us into an agonizing isolation. It can make us completely irrational and self-absorbed. At times, it can even make us believe that violence is justified. [Source: John E. Welshons, One Soul, One Love, One Heart: The Sacred Path to Healing All Relationships (Novato, CA: New World Library, 2009), 59.]   

What was the solution? I have found great insight and solace in the following words: 

When someone insults you or behaves violently towards you, you have to be intelligent enough to see that the person suffers from his own violence and anger. But we tend to forget. We think that we are the only one that suffers, and that the other person is our oppressor. This is enough to make anger arise, and to strengthen our desire to punish. We want to punish the other person because we suffer. Then, we have anger in us; we have violence in us, just as they do. When we see that our suffering and anger are no different from their suffering and anger, we will behave more compassionately. So understanding the other is understanding yourself, and understanding yourself is understanding the other person. Everything must begin with you. [Source: Thich Nhat Hanh, Anger: Wisdom for Cooling the Flames (New York: Berkley Publishing, 2001), 127.]

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